Hey my southern ladies, oh how I have missed you! It's been over six months since my last post. I have to be honest and say that 2015 has been one year I can't wait to close out. From losing a dear friend at a very young age, then the sudden death of my mother and then six months later the death of my daddy, this year has really been about loss. I am still working through the grief but felt led to write to you again. Maybe my walk through this journey will help someone else out there that is experiencing loss as well. So, come along with me and let's take a walk and talk a little. I promise it won't be all sad. I need to focus on some happy and you make me happy. Over the next several posts I will share some of my experience, funny stories and of course my passion-decorating tips!
I started Antebellum 1862 because I am passionate about design and decorating. Maybe it's a crazy hobby or something I have always longed to do and missed my calling when I was in college. Whatever the case, I'm back and ready to walk through the healing process doing what I love. I think part of healing is to not lose interests in your favorite things. Depression tends to seep in when there is idleness and dark moments of silence. I guess you could say I'm in the healing stage of staying busy so my mind doesn't capture the still very raw emotions of my parents' deaths. Don't worry, I still have those emotional moments (daily) that bring me healing. Ladies, it's okay to cry and I mean cry like a baby! After a good cry, I feel so much better-so grab some tissues and have at it!
It's been difficult to get motivated to do anything. My father died on October 7th and I am still very sad over his death. But, I can't sit around all day and cry. You know why? Because my parents loved life. They were both so very funny and enjoyed living. Neither of them would want me to sit in a corner and weep until I fell asleep-they would want me to be happy and live! So ladies, let's live a little. Let's get excited about life and dance…. (you can tell I'm giving myself a pep talk).
I had just started a Bible study when my father passed away and it was all I could do to pray. So, I put that study aside (Don't Waste Your Life-John Piper) and headed straight for the book of Psalms. It is the most comforting place to be in the Bible. When I don't know what to pray I read these comforting verses. Psalm 139 brings me healing every day.
"You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." verse 5
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them." verse16
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!" verse 23
I could go on and on through all the chapters of the book of Psalm. It is a beautiful place to be when you can open the Bible and instantly feel His presence around you. Sometimes I just pray His name, Jesus and peace floods me.
Right after my daddy died and my family and I left to go home, we all needed to process this in our own way and have a bit of silent reflection, I began to drive ( I was alone). A friend of mine that I had not talked to in months (she didn't know about my dad's last journey) had called me and left several messages for me. I refused to talk to anyone but God whispered a little nudge to call my friend back. As I drove home that evening, I called Sandra. She's a beautiful godly woman that mentors my soul every time I am with her. I said, "Sandra, my daddy just died and I don't know what to do." My sweet friend said, we will pray right now. She prayed fervently with me on the phone as I drove. I ended up driving to the cemetery to be close to my mama. I just needed my mama even though I knew she wasn't truly there. As I sat in the truck at the cemetery praying with Sandra on the phone, she sang. She sang a song to me- a hymn of praise. She praised Jesus on the phone. I cannot describe the ultimate peace that flooded my soul at that moment. GOD SPEAKS THROUGH PEOPLE! I am so glad I listened to God and called my friend that night. I sat in the complete darkness by my mama's grave on the ground and felt the glory of God all around me. It was night time and very dark, but there was no darkness at that moment. His glory can only be light. Hugs from heaven flooded over me and I knew then I was going to be okay. I knew the road would be hard but I knew without a doubt that God had me in his hands.
He is still holding me!
Peace be with you my sweet southern ladies! God is NEAR and He loves you!
Keep the SON shining,